when my mom was pregnant with me my sister decided she didn’t want another sibling so one day she took my brother’s toy cars and lined them by my mom’s room’s doorway and tried making my mom fall on her stomach
my sister tried killing me in the womb
*tans for 5 minutes* *checks for tan lines*
F is for vodka
U is for vodka
N is for vodka.
me tellin my kids about u
*purposely drop something in front of my crush*